Having the time to blog is somewhat of a luxury in my life...although I wish I could do it more often, I just don't have the time.
Before getting into the reason why I decided to write about this photo, let me share the photos that were a part of this composite. I did mention in the description on fb that I did take all of the photos within this piece.
Photo taken at the Bronx Zoo on one of my visits with Kim :)
Photo taken at the Botanical Garden in the Bronx
Photo taken at pelham bay park in the Bronx
Photo taken at the Bronx Zoo through glass
There are photos that I really wish I could tell the full story for and this is one of them. Facing Truths has been an idea in my mind for over a year. It has burned in my brain at an alarming rate sometimes all consuming and threatening to burst out, a bit dramatic, I know. I have mentioned in the past that my work for the most part is driven by emotion, thoughts that pop into my head often times with great backgrounds to make the thought complete. If I were to create all of the ideas in my head...I really would be working non stop :-D
2012 for me was the year where my art came full circle...I started the year with a bang and created "Master of Books," which by all means defined my work from then on. It dictated to me the sucessful year I was about to have in terms of creating. 2013 was just the culmination of the impact that those pieces had on everyone. 2013 was the year that I decided that I would share my work with everyone on a larger scale. It was the year that I shed that last thread of fear that bound me and put myself out there. Sharing my work was difficult because in essence I would be letting everyone into my most private thoughts. Sure, I could choose not to disclose the idea behind it but in order to purge it would have to be done. I say all of that to say that Facing Truths is about a situation that I found myself in 2012. The year was an amazing one and devastating at the same time. It was the year I created such beautiful things and the year that I experienced the most emotional pain ever in my life.
The 500 pound gorilla in the room is an interesting concept...having a weight in your life that you can't seem to rid yourself of is daunting. I have such a weight, it's been hanging around since August of 2012. I had a huge falling out with members of my family that year, a loss so big that it continues to weigh me down still to this day. I will not get into details because it's bad enough that I deal with it on a daily basis but it's unfair to beat a dead horse. I was brought up to idolize family, to hold them to the utmost respect and cherish the relationships but when a betrayal so big happens, we are in the end, only Human. I am only Human...with my faults and imperfections, I am still a loving person who will give every piece of me should someone need it. I was taught that from an early age but to be accused of not being who I really am was the hardest part of all. Being Human is something that goes both ways, I understand that. We are ALL Human and make mistakes but how we choose to come to grips with it is the key.
This 500 pound gorilla will hang with me for a while, I don't intend to fool myself. He isn't looking at me because I know that he is not happy with me. He isn't ready to be faced completely but he's still there. In my mind...I dress him up in beautiful settings and make him as comfortable as I possibly can in order to handle what his presence means to me. I create these worlds in order to deal with the pressure and feelings of inadequacy towards what occurred. I'm not writing this post to elicit advice, although I will not turn any away...I will listen. I am writing this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, for myself...saying it out loud even without the details is very healing for me. It takes me one step closer to a resolution. It is allowing me to let go a bit of my companion, not fully but a bit. Secondly, I am writing because many of us feel this way. We might have this extra weight caused by whatever the circumstance might be and we hide it. Hiding it is no longer an option for me...We should start releasing these issues however we deem appropriate. Facing Truths is the first step to moving forward.
A secret about myself is that creating beautiful doesn't always mean happiness...
If you stuck around and read the whole thing...thank you :)